I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize