Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
