I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
