loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
