We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
