is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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