She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
