So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
