I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
