No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
