help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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