True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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