he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
