If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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