her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
