There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
