Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
