Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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