he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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