Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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