I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he was CRYING into my vagina
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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