I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
