I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
