babies were throwing up all over the place
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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