You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
