he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
try to milk me bitch
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
