Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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