is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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