i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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