he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We got so high we made milksteak
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
