upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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