You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
