Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
