WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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