I can text with my tongue
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize