After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
