There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She bit a glass in half.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
