dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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