she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
