Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
