You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
pray to the hookup gods
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
