I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
