i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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