so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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