Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
