I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
