Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
