He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
