I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
