Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
