how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
