Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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