just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
