The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
