I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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