I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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