tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think I just sharted jello shots
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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