He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize