If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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