I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
