I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize