I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
try to milk me bitch
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
