I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
