You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
