It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just had sex on a roof
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
