when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize