Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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